I hate

that I get into the most ridiculously fantastical situations.

fuck!

because then they always sound like excuses.

I'm so sorry. please believe

me






<3=blog

Why Can’t I Get A Second Chance At Life

I wish I had a mind to waste
I’d probably go to some bullshit school
Where my diploma doesn’t count for shit
It would give me more time to relax
And do my favorite drug daily

Wouldn’t that be more fun?
My only stress:
Finding time to get high

I wish I had a body to waste
No more workouts to get in shape
And Fast Food is so much tastier
When you don’t care
About your health

Wouldn’t that be amazing!
Not giving a shit
Of what your physical appearance looks like

Sometimes it just sucks knowing
That it would be incredibly easier
To stop caring
To drop out of school
To give up on my body
To give up on my dreams


------Ben Hubbard
www.footpowderproverbs.blogspot.com

vanity

Some subtle precaution
is always breathing down my neck
ravenously, as if starved
for attention

we're ignoring the ill-conceived
notions of dignity and grace
not only to keep what is precious safe
but also in a fruitless attempt
to survive the embarrassment

structured phenoms rise ably,
didactic as if we needed
another teacher.
we'll learn in time.

I'm sorry that fate decreed
a windfall opportunity
but I can't be righteous
without being right

I think we think
we have a choice
and that our motives
make the difference
but we're only fooling
ourselves because the
world is made of fattening
foods and pictures of
rainbows reflected in
mirrors but when our
arm reaches out we feel only
dust and tears, and sometimes
a quiet mechanism to tell us
that we're still pretty

<3=blog

trust me

I don't think anymore
I just feel
just because its visible
doesn't make it real

controllers set fire
destroying people
amongst them the Liar
the lyre with golden strings
where is his silver tongue?

departing: the many
arriving with plenty
young flowers to fornicate
this is the saddest

I've given you reasons
that are worth believing in
if only to have something
to believe

I need a savior
to go out and save for
people are stunned
and think they don't need
to believe

are we so different in thought?

I know that everyone's
alone, keeping themselves
sadder than you could
ever imagine, and so
unwilling

I know I'll die from
blood loss from
keeping my arm out to help
for just too long

because despite all
instincts,
belief can make things
real

<3=blog

How is that okay?
I’m not a toy to use.
I won’t sit here and take it.
what you did is called abuse.
You’re lucky I’m afraid
to report just what you did.
To let you have your way with me
was something I forbid.
Now that you got what you want.
what will happen next?
will you be disgusting with your webcam
or just send me dirty texts?
You ask me what I want.
It doesn’t really matter.
When you asked the first time,
you dismissed my wants as chatter.I didn’t want that to happen.
You know that, and I’m sure.
So why you fucked me anyways –
I’ll always be unsure.



-----anonymous

All of this by Yourself

You know,
The world isn’t always directed by the others

When you learned
Instead of being taught

Or poured your own drink
Rather than letting frat boys inherit your fate

You cut your own hair
Because ten dollars
Was too expensive

Promises under a dollar
Can’t even match
For homemade
Peanut Butter bliss

Even though the odds are earth to one
You surprise yourself
Decisive destiny

But why then do I bleed
When I pick my scabs?
Or rip out family trees
Because I drive drunk?

And that paper for poly/sci
Was pasted from the internet

I’ve got blood on my dick
And that girl from back home is pregnant
With my daughter

Could you really do all of this by yourself?


------ben hubbard

here is a link to his blog, which I follow: http://footpowderproverbs.blogspot.com/

drifting

Now that I am by myself
I reflect upon my life.
What has happened this past few years
that has caused this great big strife?
I do not have an answer
past what I feel inside.
But I think that’s part of the beauty,
It’s something I can hide.
And yes I have concealed it.
I don’t want the world to see.
I only want to pretend I’m normal –
that nothing’s wrong with me.
I wish I could find a cure
for what is going through my head.
I fear if nothing changes soon,
my soul will soon be dead.
I try to organize my thoughts,
often do I fail.
I’m not sure what I’m thinking now
what comes next I don’t know.
I think it’s starting to fade.
I’m feeling less and less.
I hope you don’t forget me.
Goodbye for now.
I guess…

------anonymous

goddamn, it just kills me every time

Estrella:
there's no light anymore
except the indifferent
tv screens
actually blackening my vision

I am a grim sort of death
a fathomless occurrence
not overly deep,
just no depth at all
a two-dimensional problem

wits and ego and
false hope and precedents
find a supple home
harmonizing, softly
inside me

I feel so selfish;
I ask "how am I so
light and they
so heavy?"
I used to have importance here

its stupid to think of anything
but that which we thought of
with no regret and
stagnant lives lead to
stagnant hearts

elegant empires with
empirical nonsense are
breaking the boundaries and
blistering the callouses again

<3=blog

Comedy.

What a funny man you are –
It’s really quite a scream.
Soon you’ll see your hilarity is an oft recurring theme.

What a funny man you are –
with your silly little quirks.
with your sweet little smile and your innocent little smirks.

What a funny man you are –
you seldom are direct.
What you really mean is impossible to detect.

What a funny man you are –
the way you seem confused
but as you take me on this ride, I seldom am amused.

What a funny man you are –
your friends are on my side.
Why can’t you put an end to this roller coaster ride?

What a funny man you are –
with your silly college sports
I guess it’s entertainment, but the strangest of the sort.

What a funny man you are –
when you jump up and down.
You probably should attempt staying on the ground.

What a funny man you are –
O the innocence you employ.
But after watching the past few days, I realized you’re just a boy.


-----Isabella Ávila

I'm sorry, but the world is yours

sometimes, I feel like I've
gone
and there's an air of disrepair
for no reason I know of

subtly betraying: my eyes
describe my scenery, but
leave me to trust them
blindly

and secretly
I tremble in the dark,
out of fear and the cold.
always the cold

pariahs represent populous
demands mandating the demoralization
of ostrich-necked overseers
gleaning our knowledge
in a clandestine gait

and suddenly
I'm sacrificing loud
like cough drops failing
and we grew and we grow

everytime I ask,
there's no one
there to answer
me

everything is so
tormented and confusing
and I wonder
if anything will ever make sense
again

'til then I'll be singing melodies
and I'll be making remedies
taking cares, precautions and
protecting myself from the daylight's cruel glare

<3=blog

Played

I’m out of control.
my life is a work of fiction
it is only a reality to me.

You, yes you, aren’t real
you’re physically there, yes.
but it’s a just a façade.

You know something I don’t -
like what will happen to me tomorrow
or when I’ll be released from this torment.

Someone put you here.
you do what your boss tells you.
but who is your boss?

I can tell you.
Your boss is a puppeteer.
He’s using you just like he’s using me.

Why you ask?
his job is to entertain the paying customers
your job is to entertain the paying customers.
my job is to entertain the paying customers.

The only difference between you and I –
you’re doing so knowingly,
but this is my fictional reality.

----Isabella Ávila

===========================================================
k, people who follow this blogamajig:

now accepting poetry to be published either anonymously, openly, or with a pseudonym of your choice: email me your stuff, I'll post it.

<3=blog

This belongs to me, I guess

we used to be such good kids,
whatever happened?
all of us deflowered relentlessly
by time

we're growing older,
and relentlessly growing up
unfortunately

God, give me the courage
to stand up to the
stupid forces of scrutiny,
they are so strong

I'm thinking of all the places
and names and things
I remember
and don't want to forget

Love holds us strong
and keeps us in
against the dawn

I find myself wishing
that I were special
and maybe I could get some
special treatment

I think that God thinks
that we are just like
everyone,
but we're not

we actually deserve it

I lie here drunkened by liquors
so you know every word
is true and meaningful,
no filters or deceit

I'm lying here typing this
on empty sheets
wishing they were you

<3=blog

so...

I guess this is more of a poem blog then...

I'll still write the random...ness stuff here too from time to time

but I'll probably update fairly frequently with poems...


so yeah

∑<3(xy^n)=1
1=(<3/blog)
<3=blog

the crystal clear division, and now and then: indecision

I think that I'm thinking
of some wonderful world
but I can't rely on my daydreams
because I'm the only one
who dreams them

I can't help but question
the differences in day and night
cycles of cycles and I guess
we all live inside them
again and again

I malinger, cartwheeling
extreme and paranormal
only in shades of grey
but never of gray
concrete is gray

I'm dark, I suppose
ungrateful and broken
maybe
I'd just love to be sure
but I'm not

I'll paraphrase myself
to emphasize the indifference
because even what I really said
isn't really enough
to say what I mean

I'm never really surprised
by actions taken
surely no one falls
so hard when they're
already down

I dream that I'm dreaming
but I'm not

<3=blog

someday

something about these sheets
that meet me halfway
caresses me less than
you'd expect

I'm caught in the crosshairs
selfishly left there
you'd think gunmen could learn
to not leave it lying 'round

often I'm left right here
hearing the equivalent
valence electrons go missing
listing the listless people

I love that we're here
and we engulf the engulfable
we touch just the touchable
and the sun shines on us

sometimes I hide quiet
reliant on the quickness
in the doldrums buried
believing in something over the next hill

you might think this is a smile
its only a series of bones

someday
we'll believe the believable
sustain the sustainable
perceive the perceivable
attain the attainable
forget the forgettable
defy the defiable
regret the regrettable
rely on the reliable

someday

<3=blog

Angels

I feel lost without you
the city sleeps around me
and we're running through
with headlights for our eyes

give me time, give me a place
and I'll sign up for the race
let me hope, let me scream
every night I dream that angels dream of you

you give me a reason
to wake up, even if
I wake up alone
you can make me smile
just with your smile,
even if I'm alone

you'll spread your wings
and bring me home
you spread my wings
gave me things I'd never know

and I want you to know
that I need you
and no one else
no one else will do

you take my hands and
lead me to a brand new place
you opened my eyes and
the first thing I saw was your lovely face

and in the cold black night
we will surely run to see the dawn
holding hands with open eyes
leaping over what we stumbled on

and if I had a million lives
to live in any way
I'd choose you every time
and spend with you, every day

Underneath these twisting sheets
we lie and never look back again

our eyes are open,
and we'll never be alone
I'll always love you
my heart, my home

<3=blog

sorry if I'm tangental, dear

[[this silly gambit
sightless like lady justice
is no match for any calculated
viewpoint

her jilted aim robs me
and her blindfold falls to the earth

I see the amber sun and it reminds me
that reckless and bold I began
and boring and rude I remain

I glimpse the gilded ash
and wonder why?
a thousand times

I'd scream, but I cant feel my throat
I'd cry, but my eyes are lost
I'd shout, but my voice took flight
I'd run, but my legs froze in fright
I'd laugh, but my lips are crusted with frost
I'd hide, but my castle has no moat

I'd cry, but I cant hide
I'd cry, but I cant hide
I'd cry, but I cant hide
I'll run from what I cant define]]

"two can be complete without the rest of the world"-the strokes

<3=blog

this is why I like being a music major/<3

I had 3 minutes of class today. I love being a music major!

erica and I got back together, for those who dont know.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3£>£>£>£>£>£>£>£>£>£>
awesome.

thats all for now

<3=blog

Traveling at night is strange

I wrote this while en route to philadelphia in an airplane late at night:

Traveling at night is strange. I'm in a plane heading to the east coast from California, and that's what I'm thinking. The only way to measure the urbanity or rurality of where you are is to look at the droplets of orange and see how many they are and how they are spaced. That's all people are from up here. Endless droplets of orange in a sea of black. Sometimes on the horizon you see a faint orange glow, ghastly with the promise of people just over the edge of the visible earth. I think about everyone in each droplet and all their cares and problems. I wonder about the ones who are sad and lonesome, and wonder about the ones who have only just found happiness. I think about how insignificant everything they cherish is from up here. here in this pressurized cabin, whizzing by above their heads, we see so many orange droplets and each person and all they hold dear is just a tiny point of light in those droplets. From here something we cant even could be the most important thing in the world to them; the thing they breathe and live and die for. at least during the day we see cars and houses and offices. we see movie theaters and farms and malls. we see towns and cities. we see the things people love and these things show a semblance of humanity and uniqueness and individualism. but at night, we see only the sickly orange glow that burns bright in every single town. this removes any thoughts of humanity in such places. They now appear inhuman and sterile. honestly though, I dont mind the glow. it can be beautiful. it just isn't human. and thats why I wonder about the people in those droplets. I know they're there. I know they have cares and worries just like anybody else, but it's still hard to imagine with that orange glow pervading. I will keep wondering though, because at night, I live in an orange glow, and at night, everything I love is just a single tiny speck of light. so when someone flys over my town at night and sees the orange glow, I hope they wonder about me, and my cares and worries.

<3=blog

Guide to Serving Food for/Eating With Vegetarians

k. so I'm a vegetarian, right? for some reason people just don't seem to understand what they should make for us when we come to visit, and I can't tell you how many fricking awkward situations I've been in while eating with non-vegetarians. It's ridiculous. so I made this guide. yaaay.

\\//

1. vegetables are not meat. for some reason, everyone just thinks that they can take out the meat in a recipe and replace it with eggplant or a portobello mushroom or some shit like that, and voila, the recipe is now vegetarian. thats just not how it works. sorry to crush your dreams, but vegetarians do not necessarily cream their pants whenever they eat a vegetable. I know that this might be confusing, I mean, logically we should. vegetarian and vegetable even share a lot of the same letters, but this is simply not the way it works. We didnt choose to be vegetarians because we love them with all our hearts, we did it because we decided that we didn't want to eat meat anymore, or in my case, that I hated plants so much that I decided I couldn't waste any more time eating meat if I wanted to eventually exterminate every sun-stealing pollinating biotch of a plant in the world. which leads up to my next point:

2. VEGETABLES ARE NOT FUCKING MEAT!!! DEAL WITH IT

3. most of us don't care if you eat meat or not. there are some that do, but usually, they're dicks, so don't even waste your time on them. please don't be awkward when someone mentions that they're a vegetarian and you're just about to put a fat piece of steak in your mouth. they dont care.

4. we can have opinions on meat. guess what? most of us haven't been vegetarians all our lives, so we have indeed tasted meat before. therefore, if people are sharing how they feel about certain types of meat, VEGETARIANS CAN SPEAK UP TOO! for example, bacon is quite delicious in many different styles of cooking. a couple times after I have voiced a perfectly legitimate opinion, someone has said "but I thought you were a vegetarian." to vegetarians: if anyone says this, or a similar comment to you, regardless of whether they are "half-joking" or not, I give you permission to slap them. if they complain, tell them that I said it was ok, and to people who have been slapped: dont bother looking for me; if you explain your story, I'll probably just slap you too.

5. when buying replacement hamburger patties, dont cheap out. there is pretty much nothing worse than a shitty replacement meat hamburger patty. In my opinion, the best one is boca burger. they are pretty much delicious, and more than once, I have watched my non-vegetarian friends choose them over a dubious-looking beef burger. the worst offender of the cheap patties is actually not even really a patty. its just a shitload of vegetables compressed into the shape of a patty, which brings me back to points 1 and 2, which I will reiterate here: VEGETABLES ARENT FUCKING MEAT!

6. k. obviously there has to be some vegetables. I'm not saying dont have vegetables at all. I'm just saying don't use them to replace meat, unless you really love portobellos and eggplants. personally I really hate them. but, I honestly dont see the harm in non-vegetarians eating less meat dishes, especially where it seems apparent that meat was just added just to add meat, and you cant really taste it. I can think of plenty of dishes that have meat in them that would simply taste better meatless, mostly because vegetables blend and counterpoint, but unless you're a master chef or something, it's pretty damn hard to randomly toss meat everywhere and have it taste as good, but somehow people still do it, which sorta transitions into my next point:

7. dont serve us stuff with meat mixed in and ask us to just pick it out. I mean, its not that big of a deal, but it's just kinda an annoyance. especially with things like pepperoni pizza, where the meat was cooked with it and you know the fucking juices are all over it. it kinda defeats the purpose of not eating meat, if you end up pretty much eating meat. this is really only a corallary, but important too, so at least let us know if you cooked something in fats, or animal oils, or beef stock, or whatever. personally, I am ambivalent about that kinda thing, it really depends upon the situation, but a lot of vegetarians are really concerned about that. as am I, but to a lesser degree.

8. most vegetarians stay vegetarians for life, so dont try to tempt them or trick them into eating meat. that one seems fairly obvious to me.

//\\

k so that should do it. yay.

as always

<3=blog

so yeah. havent posted in over a month. I am at ucla now and I met a couple people. band continues to dominate everything and always will forever. a lot of people have gotten sick, but I haven't. recently I've gotten into bright eyes, and they're awesome. especially the songs "first day of my life" and "at the bottom of everything"

sometimes I get bored, so I'm surprised that I haven't written here just for shits and giggles more.

yaaaay
as for the future:
"into the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love, we must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge"

<3=blog

stream of consciousness at night

its late, but I'm still up. there's nothing good on tv, but I cant sleep. I just need someplace to rant. I'm not even thinking coherently. I'm just using this to put down my random thoughts.


and I will hang my head, hang my head low...
-the decemberists

I love you<3 a lot

I've seen this episode of family guy a ton of times, but I still dont have anything better to do.
m=∆y/∆x
fuck, I'm such a fucking nerd. I wish I could solve ∫xˆxdx.
not even 89s can solve that... it just ends up ∫xˆxdx all over again.

I want you to be happy.

<3=blog

p.s. I came up with the <3=blog thing before I ever heard about every move a picture and their album, heart=weapon. its a good album, but I just want people to know that I'm not posing or whatever...

life in general

hey, whats up? yeah, so today I went to san fransisco with erica. it was hella fun. I only wish the day could have lasted longer. I got some sick ray ban replicas. yeah... I recently discovered that I could longboard. for some reaon that ability makes me feel hella cooler, even though
I'm the same person. yeah... so thats pretty much my general state of mind. longboard. erica leaves soon. thats like pretty much all thats going through my head. so yeah. peace.


<3=blog

second blog

yeah, that was my first blog... down that way \/

I thought there was a button that translated things into hindi, but apparently it just automatically translated it. lol...




<3=blog

फर्स्ट ब्लॉग

थिस इस माय फर्स्ट ब्लॉग...येः, प्रेत्टी मच। थिस इस हाउ इ रोल। य'अल अरे प्रोब्ली रीडिंग थिस लॉन्ग आफ्टर इ हवे व्रित्तें आईटी, कज इ डोंट प्लान ओं तेल्लिंग अन्योने अबाउट आईटी फॉर अ व्हिले। पास आउट। कीप चेक्किंग माय हार्ट

<३=blog