In the End, We get what We Want

I lie
content to quake here
under this broken glass
asking only to be alone

it's not enough
we'll be watching
the posturing you are
sure to make

They know our inadequacies
and all our harmless
fire is put out by
a restless man
sleepless by design

A howl is let out
briefly, a danger
we've got the trappings of
a far more useful soul

The stranger implies that
fine dining is easy
but please make yourself
at home

A cascade of robbed tears
glistens down our cheeks
a frightful chauffeur
has learned how to react to this

a kiss, unwanted
plays upon dulcet
lips, defined only by
a lack of promise

we're guided, waning,
by a sweet, sweet forgiveness
we affect joy
and metrically embrace

theatrics are constant
in comparison to our
fatalistic sleight of
hand, our signature

every trace we carry
bears the load more:
forever is in the
empty seconds

efforts are made
but with but god's
grace we'll be laid
in solitary sepulchers
stolen from the sun
in our lonely, lonely graves

I said
we'll tumble slowly
stumbling in our
gated dark nights

a hallowed fellow
signing us on
to make merry
godlessly, perhaps

insignificant
the ties that bind
we reciprocate, callous
to the moon he cried:
hello

the cream of light
cascading doesn't
even really mean anything
to us

a sallow youth
climbs a slick
palm tree to get
away from it

I agree, it's
rough like sand
your feet burn in
those hot coals

some conscious
effort amends us
and emblazons in us
some tawdry fear in us

These Cruel Jokes
are hardly a mistake
no clarion call could
avoid this now

I said
this short death
will have to do
and left

one lone siren
carries us
and drops us
and defiles us

what are we
if not a
measure of
trust

The right way to end the world

It's the aftermath
but all I can think
is where do we go from here?

I guess I mean "I"
I'm unused to thinking
in singular

Every day my face tells
the same lie, and
I really just want to go
home, but it's gone

I feel grotesque and
tortured like a prison
walled on all sides with
chrome and mirrors

Even now, all I can really think
of is you and how I messed up
and I'm wondering what is right
with the world when even we
cant do this correctly

I can't think of what I'll
do in the summer
alone, knowing you're
there somewhere eating
caprese and thinking of
that time we went up to
the mountain and kissed there
as the sun returned to its
home and we bathed in the lights
of our city

It was our city, and
for us together, a home
and it's so wrong to think of it
that way anymore

Even now, I know you're
thinking the same thoughts
we're more alike, even than
you already knew

selfishly, I'm preparing to
pretend, and dance like I'm
alive
again

Nothing. Nothing at all

I: The Beginning

It begins in a mirror
some simple reflection
I think of all the memories
captured in my face
all the wrinkles denote me
delineate me

time is a scribe
taking my body
breaking my face
to show its passage

I'm different now.
it's a new me
I'm different
this is a brand new story
stolen from others
unthinking like tired marketers
planning another sale

so sell me
brand new
and depleted

In real life
but just sell me
as I am in the mirror

II: The Loss of Home

Here, where it once began
and always will begin again, forever
I cannot rest

I lie here staring at painted walls
I see your name engraved
emblazoned on every plane
permanently
untouched by time
or the fallacy of memory

I see
we are an embrace on a couch
a holding of hands, everywhere
and I cannot sleep
I burn anew
stoked into flames
from days past
lasting and harsh

I feel your presence like a hole.
here. especially here
where wanton youth was spent
and days made short by love
hours dwindled, destroyed by
lingering gazes, and I
forever dwelling inside
your eyes

Here is where I feel it most
where I can't block this
and bricks of emotion trickle
from unfinished afternoons
and form perfect imperfect
statues of you

It's so hard to go back here
to willingly get into the car
knowing that each fast mile
is taking me to this one
sacred place where I once
was safe

It's strange that even before I met you
I called this place home
but now when you're gone, I simply can't

Home was in the majesty of
looking everywhere and seeing you
and when you aren't there
everything that used to mean anything
is nothing
and I can hardly stand it at all

III: The Many Sorrows

I can't help but wonder
what I'm doing
doubting each action
like Thomas

even these words
and if any of them
really mean anything at all

I subconsciously surround
myself with others
just like me and
love them, even though
few others do

I'm so very tired
in heart, soul, and mind
I'm a mess

someone show me anything
I need to know just if
I'm on any path at all
it doesn't need to be
the right one

I can't reconcile
the real world
with my own

We cheat everyone
and say that the mirrors
are playing tricks on our eyes
we stick to our story for
a long long lifetime
and still end up lonely

we're all just liars
and thieves
stealing forever from
each other
but I don't know why

I'm so scared
and alone and
there isn't much to
protect me anymore

People never change
we just lie and lie and lie

IV: Growing Up

I am new...
God damn
I can't even say one thing
with security

There is no positive proof of it
or anything

I'm no poet
I'm just a quiet insomniac afraid of the dawn

I'm no musician
I'm just a sorry little person with a solitary aptitude

I'm no Friend
I'm just a lonely participant in this awkward social dance

I'm no Idealist
I'm just a maladjusted people-pleaser seeking approval

I'm no Hopeful Soul
I'm just a devil dressed up like angels are

I'm no Man
I'm just a child who is playing pretend with all his heart

V: A Winner from This

Suffocating
from this cold
I dream slowly
of menial things

like superficial golden eggs
to bring me happiness

I'm sitting still
awaiting obscurity
like an old-fashioned house
held together by raindrops melted
from clouds

I take these drinks
and swallow them whole
hoping to alleviate
this clumsy self

All I do is hurt
do others even think
about this like I
do?

Am I so alone in this
empty world?

The reason I never sleep
is so I don't have to dream
because sometimes dreaming
is too real, and I can't
take that

How can people ignore
what they see
they deny we ever
existed against proof
that they're wrong

Is it really that simple?

I want to lapse softly into
a dreamless coma
and sleep and sleep and sleep

Everything I do
wrecks
Everything I love
and its killing me
like I'm not already dead

They say that once you're
dead inside
nothing really hurts anymore
and that to just feel something
is such a relief
but pain is still pain
and they're all liars just
like everyone else
with ulterior motives just
like everyone else
and I'm starting to wonder
why people even bother
opening their mouths because
when they do they sound just
like everyone else and
it reminds me how horrible
I am
and what awful things
I've done
and I think about all the people
just like me
who can't avoid hurting
the only people they love
and I wonder
why I'm like this
and if there is a God
why I am nothing but a
needle that stabs through
the heart I hold dear
and I wonder why I can
never run away, why don't
I have the guts
I flee from myself but
I always come back because
I can never stray far enough
and I start to realize that
I am just
like everyone else
and I honestly just can't
stand myself
I want to be alone
even from me
but not from her
and I can't help but
go a little insane temporarily
so fix me fix me please
I am a mess and
broken and need to be fixed
this isn't normal
I'm not normal just
like everyone else
and what is the worst is
that I am nothing
nothing
nothing
and I'm destroyed
so don't worry
because I'm nothing
and life is a game
and there's one way to win
and that is to lie
and lie and never love
and lie and never love
and if you lie and never love
you can create a winner from nothing
all this is nothing
you can create a winner from nothing
you can create a winner from all this
you can create a winner from all this
you can create a winner from all this
you can create a winner from this
you can create a winner from this
you can create a winner from me
you can create a winner
you can create a winner
you can create a winner
but what kind of winner would that be
and you'll look back at that mirror
and you'll know this
and never forget
that I am nothing
nothing at all

<3=blog

can't sleep
poured heart out instead

Just another something

I don't think of what to say
the words just come out of my mouth
like a stream
so how can you be sure
I'm ever saying what I mean?

Am I a sinner?
or just another patron fool?
Am I rhyme or reason or just
an exception to the rule?

I hide in sight of
everything I've ever known
I know you're right
because you're far away from home

Is this real?
or is this a dream?
am I just stealing
what I think is the scene?
could I wait,
if I gave it a chance?
would the earth rotate if you
supplant the subtle dance?

All in all,
you'd be a good statue
with all of us there
all looking at you
in awe

<3=blog

btw the reason this is a lot rhymeyer is that I thought of it as a song when I wrote it

I confess.
I'm hopeless...
a person made of would-bes
faded images and vague memories
of something I once had
a daydreamer
that’s what my friends say
inventing my world
my way
waiting
and wishing
and wondering…
(wistfully wanting)
I hug my knees and
cry.
I lie awake at night
and stay in bed in the morning and
sigh
because I miss you so much.
I’d die
without you.

--anonymous

<3=blog

Love

People seem to think
Love is a saving grace
from without

Love is kept locked up
in you
until someone with a key
lets it be free

when you meet your Love
you'll know

her eyes will cut through you
like you were nothing
you'll see the universe in those eyes
her smile will tell you that you are
everything

and you'll know that it's true

Love is a constant surprise
and you'll laugh just to know
you have it

you'll forget the world you knew
it wasn't real
This is a beautiful new world
and it is everything to you

She'll wrap her coil around your heart
and you'll never be the same
and she'll never be the same

Love is forgetting yourself
it is finding hairline cracks and matching them with yours
it is the days that are seconds
it is irreplacable moments of fertile silence
it is knowing that flowers aren't just flowers and a ring isn't just a ring
it is losing pretense and knowing who you are
it is repetition of gestures that mean more than just a touch
it is sharing everything always forever
Love is what makes life worth living

<3=blog